Nesting 101

One of the most nerve-wracking aspects of international adoption is waiting. First you wait for a homestudy, and all the million documents that go with it. Then you wait for ins appointments for fingerprints, then you wait for ins approval, then the dossier prepartion and the agony of the multi sealed superstamped documents. Then it goes to (in our case) Vietnam. Then you get this amazing picture (called a referral) of you child. THen more pictures, followed by so much more vast waiting. Days turn into months, and no one really knows how to deal with you. Including yourself.

The past week I have been powernesting. DH bought the carseat, along with season 2 of 90210. I picked up the dresser. Dylan is sharing a room with us for now, so we had one little nook. I went to Home Goods last Saturday and was overjoyed to find this piece that can one day go in his own room. What a deal at $129.oo! So of course I had to put all his cute little things in it immediately. Em and Claire picked out the safari outfit, and the plaid short and hat set at baby gap, on sale! I also picked up 2 suitcases at Marshalls for $59.oo each! Another great find. We decided to go with more Medium bags, the larger ones seemed to tempting to over pack! I am a shoe fiend and a chronic overpacker.

Maybe by all these good vibes I am feeling will bring some travel date news soon, every day that passes seems like forever. I remember waiting to get the girl's travel dates. After everything, the homestretch is the most grueling. Like a race, feet are aching, muscles spent, and you are tired beyond belief. But the ending is was matters, no matter the physical pain you are mentally proud of your endurance. I am keep telling myself this, but I am getting very, very tired of missing my son.

This week will be more nesting, and I just went wireless and was at war with 2 computers. Airport express is not expressly hooked up. They are up and running thanks to apple care, now I need to hook up the sharing, printers, and apple chat. Nothing is working, but I am another day closer to VIETNAM!

Bless this Little Heart...

After one month of wondering... i was rewarded today with new pictures of my little boy. My little boy Dylan. 4 pictures, a jackpot. 4 pictures to savor, print, share. How lucky can I get. This morning I was very hyper, I went for an intese long run to chill myself out, but still felt disconnected. The next hurdle was work. As my blog reveils. I work as a nurse in a peds emergency room. I tried to focus, but I think I knew inside today was the day. My coworkers Chris and the famous Dr Woodness (don't ask) even commented on my ADHD. Between, putting an IV in a 2 yearold, and pumping the stomach of a teenage OD, I just had to click on my email, and get these awesome pictures! Now do you understand my inability to focus.

So I call DH, he is taking a break (smoking!), and tell the receptionist about the pictures. Call my friend who watches my girls to click on the pictures I sent her so they can see their brother. Then go to another room, start another IV, and continue to give really foul tasting antidotes to the overdose. Trying to get to the computer was my goal. Thank God no one coded, no sedations, or angry parents.

Why do I only show a part of him? There is an unwritten rule in the adoptive comunity about post pictures on the web before the adoption is complete. He is still not home, but I feel he is mine, as much as a child can ever really BE yours. Something hit me tonight, he looks lost. Maybe I am over-romanticizing, projecting. But in the other pictures he looked so small, about to cry, just lost. He has a part of me.

In our emergency room we have these safe haven cradles. They are for mothers, as a safe place to leave their babies that they cannot care for. No questions asked. Just put the baby somewhere safe, and the mother will not be charged with adandonment. An infant boy was left last night, and an infant girl, a few months ago. These are happy endings for the infants involved. So may children around here do not fare as well. I tried to imagine the anxiety these woman face, leading up to and following the relinquishing of a child. I think of it as a blind panic, feeling around in the dark, terrified not knowing where you are, and not knowing what you will see when you open your eyes...a life with the child...a life without. As they always wonder, so do adoptive parents. Feeling about in the dark we are.

I belong to a yahoo group for Vietnam and my agency World Child. There have been several posting lately about abandoned babies, and the sheer amount of them, and the process to find them homes. We are not that separated by this issue. Babies abandond in the US face similar issues. Looking for birthparents, time to be legally adopted, adoptive families on a waiting list. So many of my wonderful coworkers told about this little boy who needed a home, like maybe since I was so far along in the adoption abyss, I could just slip my homestudy in this baby's crib, and become his mother. This baby belong to another. Maybe even as we speak a family is being formed. We have rules on paper to adhere to as well.

My family is formed. Emily my oldest, sensible, motivated daughter, Claire my whymsical, fidget mirror image, and Dylan my sweet little baby. Half of me is here, the other with you, until you come home, and make our family whole.

"Bless this little heart, This white soul that has
won the kiss of heaven for our earth.
He loves the light of the sun, he loves the sight
of his mothers face.
He has not yet learned to despise the dust, and to
hanker after gold.
Clasp him to your heart and bless him.
He has come into the land of a hundred cross-roads,
I know not how he choose you from the crowd, came to
your door, and grasped your hand to ask his way.
He will follow you, laughing and talking, and not
a doubt in his heart.
Keep his trust, lead him straight and bless him.
Forget him not in your hurry, let him come to your
heart and bless him."
Rabindranath Tagore, 1861-1941
Calcutta, India
from Collected Works

I don't know how these children come into our lives, how they grasp our hands and never look back. But I know the honor of being a parent, of loving someone more than you think you can. Of having these sweeties become a apart of who you are. For those of us about to beome mothers, for those of of yearning to be mothers, for all our our moms, and birth moms, and everyone inbetween...bless our chldren and always keep them in our hearts.

For my Wife

Hello. I just wanted to take a moment and acknowledge the creator of this blog my wonderful and loving wife. If you haven't already guessed she is the "glue"of our family and the reason behind every one of our smiles. I am the lucky one who gets to call her my wife aand mother of our children. I know I speak for all of us when I say we are truly blessed to have you as is Dylan whose stolen all of our hearts. Charisa I love you more than words can say and I couldn't have asked for a better person to share my life with. You make even the waiting somehow tolerable. I look forward to each day with you and cannot wait to start raising our son together.

Happy Fathers Day, my love...

To Dylan on fathers day,
Hello my little man, I just wanted t let you know how much your father loves you. I know he has not met you yet, but you live inside his heart, and are a part of his soul.
Just the thought of you brings tears to his eyes. He could talk about you all night long. I of course love to listen, because you are also my favorite thought. You father loves cars. He loves cars most of all material things. If an exotic one goes down the road he looses his train of thought, and wants to chase it (like Bailey with motorcycles). A perfect day for him is sleeping late, drinking coffee, eating meat, and fixing or driving his car, watching the history channel, James Bond, or Beverly hill 90210. He knows every episode of 90210. He drives a black porsche speedster. He has blonde swirly hair. Your name is Dylan. I'm sorry little man. you'll love the car when you are bigger/
There will be spiderman, fantastic four, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Batman, Superman, and lots and lots of cars. I hope you like meat, because your dad could live on it, and I am not a big fan. Just give the hiking thing a chance for me, because no one else craves it like me.
The swirly hair thing...we will have to work on dad.
Your dad will teach you how to be a good man, and a polite man who always has good manners, like opening doors for others, giving up your seat, being kind and friendly. He will always have your back, and make you feel safe and loved. He will do everything he can to make your dreams come true.
So my little man, until we can come and take you home. I pray that God will continue to keep you safe, and blessed. We are always thinking about you. We love you to the moon, and back.

Who thought they would ever end up here?

I know it was only a matter of time, but what could a poor sick-of-waiting-for-a-travel-date-to-Vietnam mother to do?











I can pose the animals in the crib. (don't worry I put a towel down, and my OCD self will wash the bedding).






Molly seems kind of bored but comfy.

Twinkle is very happy with the idea of her new bed.







...and Mitten? She really loves the mobile!

Crib Weekend !

This was quite and action packed weeked here. On Saturday the girls went to the school fair. The highlight was the principal in the dunk tank! They each teamed up with a friend, we came home had a barbeque, and then went to go see Pirates of the Caribbean 3. The movie was okay, but to hear them talking about it was priceless. Even 3rd and 5th grade girls think Orlando Bloom is cute, I think he is hot. They enjoyed a sleep over, and were too cute in the morning. I just love it. At this age they still love you around, but don't always need you on top of them.

I'am so happy we did not move...Except I had this feeling that we had to find all the pieces to the crib, and assemble it today.

We had fun. This crib was the first for Emily, Claire, and my friends daughter Kate. It is 10 years old and beautiful.
We HAD to get it ready in case there is an emergency trip to Vietnam very soon! I hope.

My dear sweet husband is more than happy to go to babies r us to pick up the mattress. It was a little tricky for my impaired dyslexic self to put it together. Mirror images kill me. We put the bedding on, it is Vintage Firetruck, and the texture of the fabric is so soft, and luxurious. I bought it on sale last November. So it is very exciting to see it again.

The only problem is we have no extra room yet, and the crib goes in our 15 x 13 masterbedroom. We have no room for a changing table or extra dresser. I think I'l put my running gear and work uniforms in an under the bed box, and Dylan can have 2 drawers of mine.
We have some contractors coming in the next few weeks, and are looking forward to our atttic masterbedroom/bath addition. For now we will have a great view of a beautiful crib, that will soon be a great, comfy. loving spot for our little man Dylan. Now we need to keep the cats off because they think this whole crib thing is awesome, and of course for them, and is a great idea overall.

I was tagged!

Nicole tagged me, so I will try to write about myself. i tend to focus on the pets and kids, but I'll make it interesting.
so...

4 facts about me

1-I have a pathological fear of the dark. I go panic sticken crazy, and have a hard time functioning when there is a blackout and it is really dark. There are many reasons for this, but if there is ever a powerfailure... I warned you...I completely crumble.
2-I love being outside! I love to run in all kinds of weather, I love hiking and the mountains, and I love to sweat. When my kids were small I was always "mommy out of the house, kind of mommy". I worked overnight shifts and never slept to I'd pack then into the double jogger and off we'd go. We could walk for miles, I live near some fun towns with lots of coffee shops and playgrounds. We had so much fun. Sometimes I'd give them brown paper lunch bags, and we would go walking looking for side walk treasures. To see their fat little hands picking up stuff and proudly showing it to me was priceless.
3-I love kickboxing and when I hit the heavy bag I pretend it is someone I'm mad at. If you knew me you'd never think of me as angry, I'm always so nice. But I think I have this pissed off streak inside of me. I love to do this roundhouse kick...all this pent up anger and frustration, just goes out your legs.
4- I am in love with my husband and my kids, and my animals.

4 Habits I have

1 I have to the make the beds in a certain way, I think it is from nursing school. My ocd.
2 I overthink things, and am a real planner, but my planning is flexible. I have had some hard blows in life, so I alway have plan a, b, and so on.
3 I need a couple cups of coffe to function. I like a glass of rich oaky red wine at night.
4 I talk outloud to the dog throughout the day and night.

4 New things in the past 4 years

1- I was divorced.
2- I married again.
3- I lost our baby last year
4- The best is Vietnam- Our son Dylan is there waiting for us. I'm glad he is too young to know what is going on. His dad and sister and I are having a hard time waiting for his sweet little self. This is the best chapter so far, and we are desperate for his warm little body. I cannot wait to kiss his little hands and feet, and hold him close. I have a great feeling it will be soon.

I don't know how to add name links, but to all the bloggers I enjoy- consider yourself tagged!

Raise your hand if you want breakfast! or dogs behaving badly.

This is our view from the counter. We always say raise your hand if you want X. Bailey is on one side, and we are all seated on the other. Sometimes we toss him food for kicks! Really bad dog training, but so much fun for us!

This is breakfast time in our house. Poor Claire making the lunch. Dogs ready and waiting.



Okay... I can explain. We left cereal unattended. The house was too quiet, and I snuck into the kitchen to find...THIS! Never happened again, but we really laugh everytime we look at this picture. Not my dog...


I really have no excuses for this one, except I saw a commercial for disposable plate wipes, and I thought...COME ON...all you need is one dog and a very hot dishwasher!

The Past Year...

Last year in March I married my best friend Chris. We had a wonderful wedding. The only problems was, there were no dogs allowed. This is Bailey, our weim (he does not know he is a dog). We dressed him up in his tuxedo anyway and put his picture with Molly (the dog) dressed up as a bride, on a table in the reception room.
Molly knows she is a dog and is really okay with it. Bailey will cuddle with her when the humans are not around, because he believes he is kind and she needs atttention too! We all know he cuddles with her because he is very needy and likes to be held all the time. Molly does not like to dress up because according to Bailey, "she is the dog", and everyone knows that dogs hate getting dressed up!
So we had this beautiful wedding, and these are my 2 favorite photos. I love to dance with Claire, she was my little honey all night. We said vows to each other, and wrote vows to the kids. We exchanged rings, and we gave them bracelets.
We all had our first dance as a family to 100 Years by Five for Fighting. It was our first night as a couple, and Chris joined our very female family. I am so happy that we all have each other, and Dylan will make 5...opps...sorry , Bailey told me that would be a family of 6, plus one dog called Molly!